I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, Part IV

The final in my four-part series. If you missed yesterday's post, check it here

If you think about…all of our sin, failure and foolishness can ultimately be traced to "giving in" to an orphan mentality…the thought that we’re all alone in the world and there is no One Above Who loves us, cares for us and Who has a plan for our lives to be part of a Family and to live in a Home in a place of safety and strength.

I find it so amazing, interesting, even intriguing, that Jesus, near the time of going to the cross…near the time when the disciples would enter a season of great confusion, actually said to them, “I will NOT leave you…as ORPHANS” (John 14:18). Hmmmm.

It’s like…He knew.

He does.

We have this Deep Desire to hear the same words Jesus heard at His baptism: “You are My Beloved Son (or Daughter); with you I am well-pleased!” You are loved. You have a home. You are safe. You need not fear. You can be yourself. You don’t need to run. You no longer need to hide.

Come…join the family. Take your seat at the table.

Romans 8:15—You did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear; but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons (and daughthers), by Whom we cry, “Abba! Father!”

Orphans tend to be self-consumed; they’ve rarely felt the love, affection, care, acceptance, or the sense of family they long for. Orphans who are adopted, however, eventually begin to be freed from self-absorption, through the process of love and care and a sense of belonging.

We’ll never love others unconditionally, we’ll never enter the risk of love, we’ll never be willing to give up our “rights” or be willing to truly sacrifice for others until we’re secure…and we’ll never truly be secure until we begin to plumb the depths of the reality of our adoption in Christ.

Part of our calling as image-bearers of the God Who created us is to seek to provide the safe place in our relationships where people have a home. Part of our calling as Christ-followers is to work to make our churches the New Garden, a place of safety and strength…a place others will feel at home…like Annie visiting “Daddy Warbuck’s” place at Christmas. We are to begin working now to re-make this world into the New Jerusalem...

Part of our calling as humans is to be the echo of the Voice of God to one another that says through the finished work of Christ…

“I will not leave you as orphans.”

Good news indeed.

I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, Part III

Be sure to check yesterday's post for Part II

I’m reminded of one of my favorite movies…The Martian Child. I’ll never forget the scene when Dennis (the orphan John Cusack’s character, David, is seeking to adopt), accidentally breaks something on Cusack’s desk. Dennis gets REALLY upset and asks “David” if he is going to send him back…”because he was bad.”

Hmmmm, sounds similar to my friend’s story (the story from yesterday's Blog...it's a Blog Mini-series...sorry!)

Actually, sounds similar to a LOT of my friends’ stories…not my “friends that have adopted children” stories…but my FRIENDS’ stories…

Actually, sounds similar to MY story…

One of the tragedies of the Fall of humanity into sin is that we adopted (ironic word I know) an orphan mentality. What’s an orphan mentality? Let me try to explain by referencing yet another movie…


In the movie “Millions” a young boy, Damien, finds lots of cash hidden by thieves. Somehow they discover Damien has the money and they ransack his house. When he and his dad come home one night Damien tells his dad about the money…which the thieves never found. Damien’s dad is planning on keeping the money, especially since his house has been ransacked. Damien tells his dad it’s wrong…Damien’s dad disagrees that it is wrong to keep the money, then delivers a key line as to why he thinks this way:


Damien’s dad says, “There’s no one looking out for us, Damien, so we’re going to look out for ourselves.”

Wow…now THAT is an orphan mentality.

And THAT is often my mentality.

I have a Father in heaven who loves me, cares for me and promises me all I need…but when I refuse to believe that…I act and live as an orphan.

And it affects EVERYTHING.

How I feel. How I react to circumstances. How I respond to others…EVERYTHING.

Some of us get easily defensive…it is our orphan mentality fearing exposure, rejection.

Some of us are very demanding…it is our orphan mentality fearing scarcity…there’s not enough to go around, there’s no one looking out for me, so I need to look out for myself…after all, it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

Some of us are filled with coping mechanisms of self-protection…it is our orphan mentality telling us, “leave them before they leave you…don’t allow yourself to get into a situation where you might experience loss.”

Some of us are afraid to risk…it is our orphan mentality leading us to fear losing the love and respect of our “family.”

Some of us are performers…it is our orphan mentality telling us the only reason we’re accepted and have a “family” is because we are coming through for others…if we fail, we’ll be rejected and alone. Show no weakness, or else…

Some of us are control freaks…it is our orphan mentality telling us that there is no one we can trust but ourselves.

Some of us are approval-addicts or people-pleasers…we are virtual chameleons, adapting to our environment, becoming whatever and whomever we sense the people around us want us to be…it is our orphan mentality telling us that if we want to belong, we can’t be ourselves, we can’t be real, we can’t be transparent.

Again...this "orphan mentality" is clearly a result of our brokenness, fallenness...and it's such an issue that God addresses it continually in the New Testament through all the Biblical teaching on "adoption." Do a word study, word search...you'll be amazed...but just for today...Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8.

...One more thing...try to live as a beloved son/daughter IN Christ today.

I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, Part II

Yesterday I began a short blog-series on being a recovering orphan. Make sure to click here and read part I, or search in the label list to the right for "recovering orphan."

Because of the brokenness of life, unfortunately, just like with Annie, the “memory” of Miss Hannigan is never far away.

Amazingly, however, we have a “Daddy Warbucks.” In Christ, we have a Father in Heaven who pursues us and has fought the Enemy on our behalf and has adopted us by grace through faith into His own family.

Even still, there is this haunting, “old voice” of Miss Hannigan ringing in our ears.

I have a close friend who, along with his wife and other children, made a family decision to adopt a young girl from China. It’s been a beautiful thing to see. A couple weeks ago the family decided to take their “new” daughter to a Chinese parade celebrating the Chinese New Year. The thought was it might make her feel good to see some “familiar” faces after being brought into a brand new world of Caucasians…somehow, it didn’t work as planned…Their little girl became unexpectedly agitated after what had been a season of absolute peace and calm since entering our country and living in my friend’s home.

The only explanation that makes any sense is she panicked, thinking that perhaps she was going to be “rejected” or “given back” to the place she had lived for all her life, a place where she had no father or mother or brothers or sisters…I mean look at it from her perspective…seeing people that looked like her just reminded her of her “old life” as an orphan. What was she thinking? Did I do something wrong? Am I not really loved by these people? Will I ever be truly accepted?

We run into circumstances like that as well…even as adults, we face situations that seem to bring the fears of being all alone, rejected and uncared for to the front of our minds. We will battle slipping back into an orphan mentality all our days...and that's why God tells us often in the New Testament about our adoption in Christ.

I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, part I

Our school is putting on the play, “Annie,” later this month. You know the story…in the midst of the Great Depression an young orphaned girl with personality and determination is forced to live in an orphanage run by a mean, overbearing, drunk; a woman named Miss Hannigan. But Annie’s seemingly hopeless situation all changes when she’s invited to spend some time during Christmas at the home of a very wealthy businessman…Oliver Warbucks.
Eventually Warbuck’s heart is warmed by this little girl and he offers a reward to find her parents…which opens up a whole can of worms as people pretend to be Annie’s parents to get the money (We ultimately learn that Annie’s parents have died). As I’m sure you know, there’s a beautifully redemptive ending to the story as “Daddy” Warbucks adopts Annie himself.
This may come as a surprise…or not…
Annie’s story is EVERYONE’S story…in one way or another.
In Genesis 3, through the moral and spiritual failure of our common ancestors, we all inherited the spirit of “runaways.” When Adam and Eve sinned, they ran away from God and hid…they became “street children”…in a word, they, and we, became orphans.
…and this orphan mentality is hard-wired into our Operating System…we’re all looking for love and acceptance; we all have a deep desire for a home, a place to belong, a safe place where we no longer fear rejection. Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, we want to get back into the Garden where we can be honest, naked (real, transparent, authentic), unashamed and safe.