I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, Part III

Be sure to check yesterday's post for Part II

I’m reminded of one of my favorite movies…The Martian Child. I’ll never forget the scene when Dennis (the orphan John Cusack’s character, David, is seeking to adopt), accidentally breaks something on Cusack’s desk. Dennis gets REALLY upset and asks “David” if he is going to send him back…”because he was bad.”

Hmmmm, sounds similar to my friend’s story (the story from yesterday's Blog...it's a Blog Mini-series...sorry!)

Actually, sounds similar to a LOT of my friends’ stories…not my “friends that have adopted children” stories…but my FRIENDS’ stories…

Actually, sounds similar to MY story…

One of the tragedies of the Fall of humanity into sin is that we adopted (ironic word I know) an orphan mentality. What’s an orphan mentality? Let me try to explain by referencing yet another movie…


In the movie “Millions” a young boy, Damien, finds lots of cash hidden by thieves. Somehow they discover Damien has the money and they ransack his house. When he and his dad come home one night Damien tells his dad about the money…which the thieves never found. Damien’s dad is planning on keeping the money, especially since his house has been ransacked. Damien tells his dad it’s wrong…Damien’s dad disagrees that it is wrong to keep the money, then delivers a key line as to why he thinks this way:


Damien’s dad says, “There’s no one looking out for us, Damien, so we’re going to look out for ourselves.”

Wow…now THAT is an orphan mentality.

And THAT is often my mentality.

I have a Father in heaven who loves me, cares for me and promises me all I need…but when I refuse to believe that…I act and live as an orphan.

And it affects EVERYTHING.

How I feel. How I react to circumstances. How I respond to others…EVERYTHING.

Some of us get easily defensive…it is our orphan mentality fearing exposure, rejection.

Some of us are very demanding…it is our orphan mentality fearing scarcity…there’s not enough to go around, there’s no one looking out for me, so I need to look out for myself…after all, it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

Some of us are filled with coping mechanisms of self-protection…it is our orphan mentality telling us, “leave them before they leave you…don’t allow yourself to get into a situation where you might experience loss.”

Some of us are afraid to risk…it is our orphan mentality leading us to fear losing the love and respect of our “family.”

Some of us are performers…it is our orphan mentality telling us the only reason we’re accepted and have a “family” is because we are coming through for others…if we fail, we’ll be rejected and alone. Show no weakness, or else…

Some of us are control freaks…it is our orphan mentality telling us that there is no one we can trust but ourselves.

Some of us are approval-addicts or people-pleasers…we are virtual chameleons, adapting to our environment, becoming whatever and whomever we sense the people around us want us to be…it is our orphan mentality telling us that if we want to belong, we can’t be ourselves, we can’t be real, we can’t be transparent.

Again...this "orphan mentality" is clearly a result of our brokenness, fallenness...and it's such an issue that God addresses it continually in the New Testament through all the Biblical teaching on "adoption." Do a word study, word search...you'll be amazed...but just for today...Read Ephesians 1 and Romans 8.

...One more thing...try to live as a beloved son/daughter IN Christ today.

I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, Part II

Yesterday I began a short blog-series on being a recovering orphan. Make sure to click here and read part I, or search in the label list to the right for "recovering orphan."

Because of the brokenness of life, unfortunately, just like with Annie, the “memory” of Miss Hannigan is never far away.

Amazingly, however, we have a “Daddy Warbucks.” In Christ, we have a Father in Heaven who pursues us and has fought the Enemy on our behalf and has adopted us by grace through faith into His own family.

Even still, there is this haunting, “old voice” of Miss Hannigan ringing in our ears.

I have a close friend who, along with his wife and other children, made a family decision to adopt a young girl from China. It’s been a beautiful thing to see. A couple weeks ago the family decided to take their “new” daughter to a Chinese parade celebrating the Chinese New Year. The thought was it might make her feel good to see some “familiar” faces after being brought into a brand new world of Caucasians…somehow, it didn’t work as planned…Their little girl became unexpectedly agitated after what had been a season of absolute peace and calm since entering our country and living in my friend’s home.

The only explanation that makes any sense is she panicked, thinking that perhaps she was going to be “rejected” or “given back” to the place she had lived for all her life, a place where she had no father or mother or brothers or sisters…I mean look at it from her perspective…seeing people that looked like her just reminded her of her “old life” as an orphan. What was she thinking? Did I do something wrong? Am I not really loved by these people? Will I ever be truly accepted?

We run into circumstances like that as well…even as adults, we face situations that seem to bring the fears of being all alone, rejected and uncared for to the front of our minds. We will battle slipping back into an orphan mentality all our days...and that's why God tells us often in the New Testament about our adoption in Christ.

A List of Some Favorite Reads

People ask me all the time about some of my favorite books...usually meaning, books that helped me understand, process and internalize the Doctrines of Grace.

So....here SOME of them are....(not listed in any particular order)

1. The Institutes of the Christian Religion (ed by McNeill) by John Calvin

2. True Spirituality by Francis Schaeffer

3. Renewal as a Way of Life by Richard Lovelace

4. The Enemy Within by Kris Lungaard

5. Engaging God's World by Cornelius Plantinga, Jr.

6. The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification by Walter Marshall.

7. The God Who is There by Francis Schaeffer

8. The Sovereignty of God by A.W. Pink

9. Sin and Temptation by John Owen

10. Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan

11. The Marrow of Modern Divinity by Edward Fisher (notes by Thomas Boston)

12. The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

13. The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

14. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by Paul David Tripp

15. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

16. The Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges

17. Knowing God by J.I. Packer

18. Holiness by Grace by Bryan Chapell

19. The Key to Holiness by Charles Spurgeon

20. Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

(Of course, one way to cheat would be to read my Doctoral Dissertation: Gospel-Centered Mentoring, 2001 Covenant Theological Seminary, where I have an entire section summarizing and analyzing most of these works!)

I, (State your name), am a recovering orphan, part I

Our school is putting on the play, “Annie,” later this month. You know the story…in the midst of the Great Depression an young orphaned girl with personality and determination is forced to live in an orphanage run by a mean, overbearing, drunk; a woman named Miss Hannigan. But Annie’s seemingly hopeless situation all changes when she’s invited to spend some time during Christmas at the home of a very wealthy businessman…Oliver Warbucks.
Eventually Warbuck’s heart is warmed by this little girl and he offers a reward to find her parents…which opens up a whole can of worms as people pretend to be Annie’s parents to get the money (We ultimately learn that Annie’s parents have died). As I’m sure you know, there’s a beautifully redemptive ending to the story as “Daddy” Warbucks adopts Annie himself.
This may come as a surprise…or not…
Annie’s story is EVERYONE’S story…in one way or another.
In Genesis 3, through the moral and spiritual failure of our common ancestors, we all inherited the spirit of “runaways.” When Adam and Eve sinned, they ran away from God and hid…they became “street children”…in a word, they, and we, became orphans.
…and this orphan mentality is hard-wired into our Operating System…we’re all looking for love and acceptance; we all have a deep desire for a home, a place to belong, a safe place where we no longer fear rejection. Whether we’re willing to admit it or not, we want to get back into the Garden where we can be honest, naked (real, transparent, authentic), unashamed and safe.

How to Be Un-Dragoned

CS Lewis in his Chronicles of Narnia, Volume 6, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (pp106-110) tells of one of the adventures of a stubborn, rather unhappy child named Eustace. By the way, this is more of my own paraphrase than directly quoting the book:

Eustace is tired of taking orders from the other children and sneaks off to get away and have his own adventure.

Along the way, Eustace sees a dying dragon go into its cave, and he follows it to get out of the rain. Once he sees the dragon die, he looks around and discovers all this treasure. Thinking if he had treasure the other children would listen to him and follow his orders, he packs his pockets and then falls asleep.

When he awakens, he senses movement and looks to his right and sees a dragon hand. Filled with fear that the dragon must not have really died, he runs out of cave, he runs and runs until he comes to a lake. Quite thirsty from running, he dips face to the water to drink, but as he looks at the water he sees the reflection of a dragon. Suddenly the horror hits him...With dragonish thoughts in his heart he had become a dragon!

Eustace then becomes quite sorry for the "monster" he had been to his cousins. Thankfully, the other children eventually find him and try to help him, but nothing can change him back into a boy. He was so miserable that he actually became nice. He helped the other children, but was still very sad.

One night, he saw a great lion walking toward him. Even as a dragon, Eustace said he was more afraid than he had ever been in his life. He followed the Great Lion to a great well. The Lion told him to undress and go down into thewater. But then it occurred to Eustace that he was a dragon; he couldn't undress. But perhaps he could shed his skin. He started scratching himself and the scales began to fall off. Eventually the entire dragon skin came off and it looked really ugly just sitting there.

Eustace began to walk down the steps into the water when he realized his skin was still scaly. He wasn't too upset, he just thought he had another skin under his first skin that needed to be pealed off as well. So he scratched and tore and this skin came off. He started to the water again, but again realized there was just more dragon skin underneath.

Finally, Aslan spoke. You will have to let Me undress you. Eustace was afraid of His claws, but he was desparate now, and willing to have the Lion do anything to save him. 'The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made it bearable was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off.'

When he was finished, there was my skin lying on the grass, only very much thikcer, darker and uglier than when I had taken it off myself. Then the Lion threw me into the water, and I became a boy again.

What a picture of the Gospel...because of the Fall, we all wrestle with dragon-ish hearts, thoughts, behaviors, attitudes...and no matter how hard we try, we can't un-dragon ourselves. Our only hope is running to Christ daily so He will remove all that is dragon-like within us...and turn us more and more into the glory of His image day by day.

A Friend's Thoughts on This Broken World

I was thinking about blogging something CS Lewis-ish on what happened yesterday in Orlando--a trainer killed by Tilly, a 12,000 pound Orca (Killer Whale). There's something so tragically "Narnia-ish" in this story...like when the whole country of Narnia was under the power of the white witch...many of the animals wild and dangerous when that's not the way it was supposed to be in Narnia. Lewis really had a grasp on the "glorious ruins" we are as humans and the "glorious ruin" this world is in every arena of life.

Of course, with Aslan giving his life, "the stone table (of the law of death, danger and disaster because of evil and rebellion) broke and death itself began working backwards (one of my most favorite quotes in all of the Chronicles)." Winter began to thaw in Narnia and Aslan was on the move! What a picture of the hope of the Gospel! Death working backwards in all of life...in the entire cosmos...yet we do not now entirely see all things subject to Christ...but we will...we will.

It is so very tragic that an animal, also affected by the fall, would turn on its trainer. Like I said, I was going to blog myself on this, but my dear friend Scotty Smith from Nashville did the same thing this morning...and as usual, Scotty puts things better than I could have anyway...

so here are Scotty's words (hope he doesn't mind)...

"Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, forever and ever!" Revelation 5:13

Dear Lord Jesus, I cannot imagine the horror and trauma of those who witnessed the death of an Orca trainer yesterday at Sea World. We pray, especially for the children who were present… bring your healing hand and loving heart to bear. By whatever means you choose, we pray for your redeeming presence in this tragedy.

Jesus, gut-numbing events like this fuel my intense longing for the Day when “every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them,” will sing your praise forever in the new heaven and new earth. What Isaiah whispered (Isaiah 11:6-9; 65:17-25) and John envisioned (Revelation 21:1-5), we will enjoy with them—this very world redeemed and restored by you, Lord Jesus—the one who is making all things new.

The very fact that Orca are better known as “Killer Whales” just underscores the fact that nothing in this broken world is the way it’s meant to be. Orca were meant to sing and play, not attack and devour. The odious stench of sin, decay and death permeate every sphere of your creation. In fact, it’s far more incomprehensible to realize that over half of the world’s families exist for a whole month on the price of one Sea World ticket. Have mercy, Lord Jesus, have mercy… I know that you have, and I know that you will."

Well said, Scotty...well said.

Even so, "Come quickly, Lord Jesus!"

Do You Have What it Takes?

I only watch 2 television shows...well, that is, if all sports programs don't count (because, hey, they're not a series!). Anyway, the two shows I watch are 24 and LOST...LOST pierced my soul last night...wasn't really fair, 'cause I wasn't ready for it.

I am not EVEN going to try to tell you what LOST is about (though I will say it's like Back to the Future on steroids...but completely different!).

There is this one character, Jack, sort of the leader of a group of people who plane-crashed on a mysterious island. Jack is a doctor, a man of science who struggles with matters of faith. He had a rocky relationship with his dad...a man he could never quite please. Apparently, one day, Jack's dad looked straight at him and said "You don't have what it takes."

Now I'm sure in his own sick way, Jack's dad thought it might motivate Jack to succeed...what a stupid man.

It marked Jack for his entire life.

Imagine that.

A man with all his gifts, talents, abilities...living with the Echo in his mind every moment of every day..."You don't have what it takes." So sad.

I know something sadder...

Every human being, in one way or another, hears the same evil echo..."You don't have what it takes."

"You don't have what it takes" to make it in your marriage; You don't have what it takes to make it in your career; You don't have what it takes to be a good parent; You don't have what it takes to make it through adolescence; You don't have what it takes to make it as a Christ-follower; You don't have what it takes to....

Well, you get the picture.

Unfortunately, it's what theologians call a result of "the Fall." When humanity fell into rebellion, something broke in the human soul that has been passed on to all of us...and I mean ALL of us!

So, here I am last night, sitting next to our youngest son, and this scene begins in the middle of LOST. Jack is with HIS son; it's "his weekend" if you get what I mean. You can tell their relationship is strained. Jack has to leave for a bit and when he returns home, his son is gone. Jack is worried. He really loves his son...He longs for a relationship with his son...but he doesn't know where his son is and he doesn't know why things are so hard and difficult between him and his son.

He runs over to his "ex's" house to see if his son is there...he's not. But there's a message on the answering machine...Jack listens. It's some music conservatory talking about a scholarship performance that his son is to play that evening. Jack looks at his watch...it's scheduled to take place in just a few minutes. He rushes to the conservatory just in time to listen to his beloved son play, practically flalwlessly a very difficult piano piece by Chopin.

Jack is moved to tears.

After the performance, his son rushes outside to get back to Jack's place...and Jack meets him. Jack asks him why he never told him he was still playing the piano and why he didn't tell him about the conservatory performance. This is where it gets dicey...at least for me...

His son looked into his dad's eyes and answers...

"I didn't tell you...because I didn't want you to see me fail."

Jack's eyes fill with tears...again...only this time...so do mine.

Jack looks at his son and tells him something that changes their relationship. "One time when I was about your age, my dad, your grand-father looked at me and said words I'll never forget...he said, "You don't have what it takes." Jack, again moved to tears, looks into his boy's eyes and says, "I NEVER want you to fear that you might be a failure in my eyes...and there is nothing that you could ever do that would ever cause me to stop loving you. I will ALWAYS love you...all I want is a relationship with you."

Now his son is moved...and now...I am moved to tears...again.

What was going on in me? The brokenness of the Fall hit my consciousness. I, like Jack, often hear the echo of the Fall: "You don't have what it takes." Sure, we all have family issues I guess...but my dad NEVER said anything like that to me...nope...I was hard-wired that way. We're ALL hard-wired some kind of way that is broken. Mine has always been, "You don't have what it takes."

But here's the amazing thing...the things Jack said to his son...those are the things our Father in Heaven says to us through Christ...

"I NEVER want you to fear that you might be a failure in My eyes...and there is nothing that you could ever do that would ever cause Me to stop loving you. I will ALWAYS love you...all I want is a relationship with you."

Not only that, but God is constantly whispering to our hearts, "You DO have what it takes! Because I've promised to give you in Christ all that you would ever need!"

2 Peter 1:3--His divine power has granted to us ALL THINGS pertaining to life and godliness! Read those words again...slowly...believing the Gospel...ALL things...You and I, in Christ, DO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!!

Hebrews 13:21 basically says that God Himself promises to bless us and equip us with everything good, with everything we need to do His will...He promises to bless us by actually working into us everything we need to live a life pleasing to Him!! You and I, in Christ, DO HAVE WHAT IT TAKES!!!

And we are to remind each other of this every day.

God is out to replace the old tapes of the Fall with a new Echo...the Echo of His validation/affirmation/love...just like He called out to Jesus at His baptism: "This is My Beloved Son, with Whom I am well pleased." THAT is the new echo that the Father wants sounding about in our hearts and minds!

As I sat on the couch with my youngest son...I wondered (and this was part of the tears)...what message have I sent him? What messages have I sent my other two children? What messages have I sent my wife? My friends? My church? Are people "afraid to fail" in my eyes? Do I somehow, sometimes, send the message, "You don't have what it takes?"

I want to be a man that leaves every believer I come into contact with thinking, feeling, knowing, "You have what it takes!"

If you're reading this...and you know Christ...you DO...you REALLY do...You DO have what it takes!

So...Go For It!